Starting Now

“Starting Now”

I want to crawl back inside my mother’s womb
I want to shut out all the lights in this room
I want to start fresh, like a baby in a sink
Scrub away all these thoughts that i think of you

So life moves slowly when you’re waiting for it to boil
Feel like i watch from 6 feet under the soil
Still want to hold you and kiss behind your ears
But i re count the countless tears that i lost for you

But before you finally go there’s one thing you should know: That I promise –

Starting now I’ll never know your name
Starting now I’ll never feel the same
Starting now I wish you never came into my world.

I want to crawl back inside my bed of sin
I want to burn the sheets that smell like your skin
Instead I’ll wash them just like kitchen rags with stains
Spinning away every piece that remains of you.

But before you finally go there’s one thing you should know: That I promise –

Starting now I’ll never know your name
Starting now I’ll never feel the same
Starting now I wish you never came into my world.

It’s my world, it’s not ours anymore
It’s my world, it’s not ours anymore

Starting now I’ll never know your name
Starting now I’ll never feel the same
Starting now I wish you never came into my world. – Ingrid Michaelson

Crying for the First Time in a Long Time

I used to cry almost every single day.  And by “cry” I mean uncontrollably weep until my voice left and breathing was only possible with gasps.

But I haven’t cried much in the last few weeks.

I did cry, after watching the happy couple finally start to date in the K-drama I love Lee Tae Ri.

Seeing young, innocent, hopeful love beginning invoked my own heartache and released my tears.

I was like that once.

And it is all over.

I can never return to the one I loved or the person I was when I fell in love.

First love has ended.  My innocence has truly died.

The Names of Love

I was thinking of the difficulty of racism but wanted to watch a movie instead of think so I used my roommate’s Netflix subscription.  And there were movies about immigrants in America, multiracial couples, and such, but I didn’t want to think was the whole point so I picked a French movie named Le nom des gens or in English, “The Names of Love”.

The blurb about the movie didn’t reveal the rather complicated racial and cultural dynamics it contained, but perhaps I should have guessed a movie about a woman who sleeps with men to change their politics would address immigration, race, and the modern Western world’s diversity.

The movie ends with a very deep line: “Who will see our child as a foreigner?”  A French couple named their son Chang.

Memento and Inception

I love Inception.

I just watched my roommate’s copy and she sat with me on the couch during part of it.

I really love this movie.  I keep getting drawn into the story every time I watch.  It is beautiful, well-written, casted perfectly with amazing actors, and well-edited.  It is just an experience to watch.  It tells a story that gives me an emotional journey to experience.  Over and over (probably because it made a huge analogy for my life when I first saw it)!

So, yes, it was the creative baby of Christopher Nolan.  And yes, I like the new Batman Trilogy: Batman Begins, The Dark Knight (Heath Ledger as JOKER! -OMgosh!), and The Dark Knight Rises (I haven’t seen it yet!!!).  I really enjoyed The Prestige (thank you, Disney Cruise).

But I didn’t like Memento.  Why?  I don’t remember … I mean, I saw it a decade ago … It was edgy visually, instead of dark like Gotham or opulent and historical like The Prestige or surreal and diverse like Inception.  But I don’t think it was just the black-and-white color of Memento.

All of Nolan’s films have surprises and twists.  They are all complicated stories with intense characters.  But I think why I didn’t like Memento wasn’t any of the techniques or cinematography tricks it employed.  Rather, Memento’s story revolted me.

The Prestige shows vindictive, ruthless competition creating loss.  Batman Begins defines criminality and juxtapositions it with vigilante justice.  The Dark Knight was amazing, but the ending left me slightly cold because I don’t know if I believe that real hope could be created through deception.  And while Memento was an interesting puzzle, it wasn’t an inspiring story for me.  I felt dirty and brutalized after watching Memento.

So, yeah, Inception was great.  I want to see The Dark Knight Rises.  What was that other movie …. M-something?  I am just going to forget all about that.

Independence and the 2nd of July

“Yesterday the greatest Question was decided, which ever was debated in America, and a greater perhaps, never was or will be decided among Men. A Resolution was passed without one dissenting Colony “that these united Colonies, are, and of right ought to be free and independent States, and as such, they have, and of Right ought to have full Power to make War, conclude Peace, establish Commerce, and to do all the other Acts and Things, which other States may rightfully do.” You will see in a few days a Declaration setting forth the Causes, which have impell’d Us to this mighty Revolution, and the Reasons which will justify it, in the Sight of God and Man. A Plan of Confederation will be taken up in a few days.”

“The Second Day of July 1776, will be the most memorable Epocha, in the History of America.

I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated, by succeeding Generations, as the great anniversary Festival. It ought to be commemorated, as the Day of Deliverance by solemn Acts of Devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with Pomp and Parade, with Shews, Games, Sports, Guns, Bells, Bonfires and Illuminations from one End of this Continent to the other from this Time forward forever more.

You will think me transported with Enthusiasm but I am not. — I am well aware of the Toil and Blood and Treasure, that it will cost Us to maintain this Declaration, and support and defend these States. — Yet through all the Gloom I can see the Rays of ravishing Light and Glory. I can see that the End is more than worth all the Means. And that Posterity will tryumph in that Days Transaction, even altho We should rue it, which I trust in God We shall not.”  ~ John Adams to Abigail Adams on July 3rd, 1776