I’m not there yet

I am ready to be in the next thing.  I am ready to be starting something new.  Something that will make use of all the horrible experiences I came through.

But I’m not there yet.  I’m just in-between: not in abuse anymore but not recovered yet.  I don’t even know what the future will hold.  The possibilities of the future are too bright for my eyes right now.  I can’t see what I want to do or what I can do because what I see is blinding light.  I was in the dark too long to be able to see in sunlight.  For now, it is all painfully white.

Thankfully, I am feeling my way towards somethings and people keep encouraging me to stay in the place where I can’t see because of the blinding light.  They hold out the promise that eventually it won’t hurt so much and that it won’t be so overwhelming.  That eventually it will be my new “normal”.  After, that is, my perception adjusts.

Today’s Enemies

Sloth, Hunger, Heat, Distraction, Inability to Concentrate, Anti-American Qualities, Ants, Asians, Clutter, Writing, Dehydration, Medication, Menstruation, Dirty Laundry, Drowsiness, Sadness

Dreaming of Teeth

I had a dream last night in which my teeth started falling out.  They just loosened completely and fell right out on my upper front right-hand side …  Pretty anxiety-producing.  And then it was the weekend or night or some other time I couldn’t go see a dentist and I tried to put them back in but they kept falling out.