Love, Real, Let Go

Trying to convince someone to you without putting your best foot forward is tough. Trying to convince someone to love you when you don’t like them is disastrous. Trying to convince someone to love you when you don’t love yourself is impossible.
I try to think of a good match as a checklist. Does this person do this, this, and this? Being vegan is good, although I haven’t been able commit to a vegan diet myself. But you know, I would like to, someday. There’s probably a reason people talk about living your life authentically or living your best life before meeting the person of your dreams. Also people say don’t date someone’s potential for similar reasons.  I might never become a vegan.
But let’s move on. So this person has hit enough on the checklist to be interesting: used to be vegan, traveled, highly educated, wanted to live abroad, and liberal.  Good so far. And let’s talk some more and talk more often. But here’s something that is a big clash. Oh, that was a big no. Doesn’t believe in monogamy in marriage?  Likes pets more than people and finds it hard to connect?
Why not let go?  Honestly, I am too desperate alone to let go first. Maybe there is some chance… one of us will change? I don’t want to be that one. I don’t want to have superficial conversations or be silly. I don’t want to sit in the same room just on our phones or computers instead of being together in more than just proximity? I don’t want to spend Fridays alone because friends come first. But if I won’t change, do I really expect the other person to change? To love me unconditionally while I want them to lose all the undesirable parts.  Or maybe we can compromise. I can try to live with this and expect slack on this. But I have never had this arrangement last for long. Who breaks first? I can’t remember so that’s a good indicator it was me.
But people say you have to let go of what isn’t working to make room in your life for what will. Compromising won’t work long-term without deep commitment to the belief that this particular compromise is the best compromise to be had or there is too much to lose.  But I never feel that assured. I imagine it could be better. I imagine someone more similar to me that doesn’t set off warning bells by telling me things I don’t want to which become accustomed.  I imagine someone that is like a best friend, instead of a boxing partner. Or I think, wouldn’t it be great if I smiled just thinking about this person instead of indifferent?  Or I think, wouldn’t it be great if this person wanted to talk to me or see me first, instead of me feeling like I alone want to connect?  I think, wouldn’t it be great to be with someone else?
But I hang on, waiting for this person to decide. I ruin it. By being my awful self too raw and honest too soon.  Or by becoming distant or cold. Or by demanding so much and so often.  Maybe it could have worked. Maybe it could have never worked. It definitely did not work.
Because love isn’t love until you love yourself by living authentically and letting go of those that don’t bring joy and goodness (more than grief) into your life.

Are These Essential Human Relationships?

Today, I was surprised to hear talk that held out to its logical conclusion as presented meant poor people should not procreate. Should not is different from have not, but even in America there has been cases of women undergoing forced sterilizations. The systematic control of reproduction is called eugenics.

So they say poor people shouldn’t have the experience of having children. In some countries, people are so poor they can’t afford marriage: the ceremonies, legal registration, bridal price or family gifts, much less separate housing and again, the children.

Are these essential relationships? Humans are made to connect. Perhaps we don’t need to be mothers or father or spouses or partners.  But nevertheless we need connection.  For my part, it grieves me to tears to think of poverty keeping families from forming.  It’s perhaps not essential but often the most meaningful aspect of living.  It’s certain there is a biological imperative to procreate.

Understanding that so much of our life is the circumstances we were born into and luck or chance, is it right that “the least of these” are absolutely judged or possibly prevented from having the love that forming a family creates?

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Those Who Take Advantage

I have a dear, beautiful friend who passionately told me, ‘You can’t blame the victims.  Those doing wrong are the people taking advantage – the abusers.  The victims were vulnerable.  Those who take advantage of that vulnerability are abusing their power and position.  It is their evil action.  The victims aren’t responsible for what happened to them, they couldn’t save or protect themselves.’

Paring Down Instead of Fast Fashion

Kerin Rose on Fast Fashion
Kerin Rose, A-Morir eyewear designer
“My one fashion regret would be indulging in the world of fast fashion. For a very long time I didn’t realize the importance and value of investment pieces and I got very into fast fashion as I think girls in their ’20s tend to do. And now that I’m encroaching on my ’30s I really regret having spent a lot of money on frivolous crap.”…

“One of the questions I’ve been struggling with is “how simple is too simple?” At what point does a simplistic wardrobe become a boring one? And does it matter?

This week I’ve noticed some of my favorite fashion bloggers paring down, which is particularly noticeable because these two tend to be very flashy, complex dressers. ”  –  at Twenty Pieces: Paring Down 

Raw Food

Bananas in the Raw – Served fresh and all natural, raw toppings.

I ate this breakfast at 118°, a restaurant in Costa Mesa, CA.

At 118°, they don’t serve any food that has been cooked.  Raw food is a new trend in diets.  You can be a vegan raw foodie, a vegetarian raw foodie, or even choose to eat raw meat and fish.

 

Read the blog of 118° here.