Permanently humbled is a concept a friend and I talked about today. It happens with a tremendous loss of identity and ability. Becoming disabled or crippled would be an example.
I never realized this happens because sometimes people talk about being humbled as a transitory experience. But with any transitory experience, it ends. Temporarily humbled by a setback, when you overcome it, you regain your lost pride. (Isn’t that the definition of humble: lost pride.)
But I don’t think of humbled that way anymore. I think of being humbled as when circumstances change the way you create your self-esteem, and also that of others. It is a permanent change in perspective; a shift in worldview.
Humbled is when you can’t change the circumstances surrounding you through your power but the circumstances defining you change you forever.
Let’s make plans. Let’s commit to the future. I hope to share my entire life with you.
I don’t want to waste another day separated from you. I want to share my mornings, my evenings, and even my nights with you. To greet the day with you and recollect it at night with you. To share special moments with you, that would constitute my happiness.
Even an ordinary day with you becomes extraordinary. Sharing the littlest of things with you brings me so much joy. Yours is the ear I long to be lent. It’s your voice that sounds like home. It’s your touch that comforts me. It’s your smile that tells me the world is beautiful and all will be well. My deepest hope is to share everything with you.
Death comes to us all. But when the pallor rests on your cheek, when the hollows deepen by your eyes, when your skin grows colder and your appetite lessens, the effect of all of this will be personal. When you go gently into that good night, perhaps raging, perhaps calmly, hopefully not willingly, my heart will not pass undisturbed. Your passing will be for me specific, distinct, pitiless, and raw.
How can we two be separated? How can I go on without you? You are my light, bed-side companion, fellow dreamer, reveling cheerful knight. Your absence will be felt, deeply, in my heart. My heart, whenever the time comes, will be torn. Torn for you, not because of you, but that you only live in my memories and never again will we pass again upon this earth.
Death will tear you from me. Of course the tears run down my face. My breath is only gulped in hoarse gasps. Wailing will pierce the quiet silence of the surrounding air. With a bowed head, senseless of time and space, full of physical pain that momentarily numbs the grief that crashes in on me as a tsunami. I will not be able to stand against the raw force of that blow. Who could?
My lovely, when death takes you, it will take a part of me, the part that you touched …
Someday I can recover my tranquility. Someday I will remember you in lighter moments and pleasanter scenes. But the person I was when I existed alongside you will be gone. For us both, I will grieve. Goodbye my lover, goodbye my love, goodbye my hope of the continuing full enjoyment of love.
You are my rainbow. You make me smile after the rainy days pass. You are my lovely rainbow. Colorful you shine, like light to my smile. I love you, rainbow. You’re my rainbow. After cloudy skies clear, I know I’ll find you. You’re my silver lining to a rainy day. I love you, my beautiful rainbow.
I will sit with you in the silence. You can’t stop crying, but you don’t have to stop. Just feel how you feel. let yourself feel the magnitude of what is present right now. Grieve. Don’t stop if you are still grieving. Cry until your tears dry on their own. And I am here beside you.
You don’t need to say anything. I won’t ask you any questions. I will just lay beside you. What can I do to comfort you? I can just quietly rest beside you and run my fingers through your hair. Or rub your shoulders. Or breathe on your neck. Or hold your hand.
Don’t stuff away your feelings. Where do you think you could hide them without losing more of yourself? I am not afraid of how much you feel or what you feel. It’s fine to be yourself. All of yourself. Even the parts you haven’t discovered. You won’t shock or disappoint me. Please, just be yourself and relax. Enlarge the borders of your safety. Lie down in peace. Smile peacefully. Lay down your strategies, defenses, and weapons for a renewed hope in peace.
Far or near, I desire to see the shape of you. The curves of your figure, the poise of your stance, the glide of your walk, the grace of your hand, the length of your arm, the height and width of your smile, the circles of your eyes. The lightness of your laugh, the clarity of your wit, the warmth of your embrace, the sincerity of your affection, the sternness of your conviction, the fire of your passion. I want to see you. You from many perspectives, united by me. You from many moments, united by us. You from many experiences, shared by us.
I would dress you up in silk and lace. I would adore you with sapphires and diamonds. I would place a chain of silver around your neck and place a tiara upon your head. Lovely princess, the finest jewels and dresses shall only highlight your natural beauty.
I would give you a bouquet of flowers. Let the gentle scent embrace you. The most lovely blooms are just a mirror of your beauty. Never forget, beautiful princess, you are all loveliness and hold my heart captive.